Mr. E.D.

GVWonder remarked to me once that e.d. is a well-studied and well-understood medical condition.

Erectile dysfunction. And at least three enormous pharmaceutical companies have made millions from the prescription drugs that keep the dreaded e.d. at bay: Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra. And who knows about the myriad purveyors who push over-the-counter herbal and other natural remedies that promise endless tumescence. It smells like money.

That does not keep some of us women from discussing performance issues about some of the men in our lives.

In a world where certain prescription drugs are available on demand, why should there ever be occasions of erectile dysfunction?

Alas, there are.

I'm not sure about other women, but at least one of my gals described a man with whom she'd had a brief affair, and who was sometimes afflicted with, well, frequent flacidity. He made it seem (however he conveyed it) as though it was her fault. There are reasons aplenty why she is no longer seeing him, but that has to top the list.

As for me, I've not slept with a man over 38 years old. At least none were at the time. Okay, at least four of them are in there 50s today, and I am not in touch with any of them. In my own case, I assume that age is not a factor, although I could be wrong.

A handful of episodes about which I know first-hand (ahem) include:

1. Whiskey dick. Bring a drunk guy home, and he won't be able to get it up some of the time. I dated a guy like that. He drank too much too often, and could not maintain an erection. So we waited until morning, and even sober, he was never very talented.

2. Wake-and-bakes. Heavy stoners are notorious offenders. And conventional wisdom has it that their swimmers are slow - low motility. Word to those gals who want to promulgate the species. (All the same, it pays to be safe.)

3. Aversion to condoms. In a dangerous world, a man has to look good in latex. Some men cannot keep going when so covered. I know a guy who would pull out, yank off the condom (ouch?), and beat himself against his leg to get hard again. I stared in some disbelief. I laughed. We both laughed. We had episodes of funny, safe sex. Sex can be funny sometimes.

A fellow I know who lives two time zones west of NYC told me this story. While on a cruise ship vacation with some of his buddies and their girlfriends (perhaps a wife too), they got good and hammered. Inebriated, all of the guys decided to pop a purple pill. At first, it seemed fine, he told me. But then he remained hard for hours, and it bordered on pain. I stifled a chuckle, the image in my mind's eye.

Okay, so some guys may be daunted by the prospect of an hours-long hard-on.

I know that I've burned with desire for hours - without fulfillment. Deep breathing and meditation can get me through. There's always b'rer rabbit - if I'm alone (although the little, rotating pearls and flashing lights must be there for another reason).

But for most men, keeping it up for about thirty minutes should not be a hardship.

And if not - that should be no woman's fault.

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