Surfer Girl Dreams

    Photos: Mike Nelson

Yeppers, the surf sometimes hits here on the East Coast. Tropical Storm Beryl was offshore, pushing up toward New England, and instead of making landfall along the Middle Atlantic coastline, she made some pretty, curled waves. Hell yeah.

And Surfer Girl was out there, blasting herself apart. Ripping it.

That was last week. After the surf-hangover, I can imagine that she's experiencing pangs of withdrawal. I was not surprised to read an interesting message from her yesterday. One of her long, superb-stream-of-consciousness pieces.

Here is the edited version, my comments in parentheses, Italic.

"I have zero ties to anyone or anything, so I have been toying with living somewhere else.

1. Australia. Set up a dingo farm, train dingos to steal tourists' babies, then sell babies into the black market. Or adopt them out to Hollywood stars. (Live close to the ocean, you gotta live close to the ocean - it's Australia, for chrissakes!)

2. Japan. Start a reality show, starring 'yours truly,' Surfer Geisha Girl. The cameras follow me as Surfer Girl by day, but as Geisha by night. I am considered armed and dangerous - with my high-powered megaphone. I carry the megaphone in a Hello Kitty backpack. (Konichiwa, dude.)

3. Saudi Arabia. Swimsuit model. Need I say more? This would be a very short visit or I would never be seen or heard from again. (Mata Hari was your grandma.)

4. France. Get a sponsor to buy me a chateau - with a vineyard, gambling rooms, a golf course and spa - those last two added in the second year. The place would double as a get-away for high-powered CEOs. High class escorts on premises as needed. (Zut! Putain!)

5. Alaska. I wouldn't have to do a goddamn thing given the ratio of five men to every woman. But they can't surf, there is very little daylight, and I'm not sure there are any hotties. (What, with global warming, and the melting ice sheets, the surf may be evolve. Dodge polar bears! Surf the Arctic!)

6. Monte Carlo. There is only one thing for me to do there - be a princess. Okay, a tabloid princess, but a very entertaining one. (Yeah, Stephanie seems so staid anymore.)

7. Hawaii. Sponsor needed to buy me a macadamia nut plantation - on the island of Molokai. But I would live on Lanai. Surf all day, then do nothing. This sounds promising.

8. Brazil. Become mistress-of-ceremonies for the annual Carnival. It's a one-a-year type of job, that I would supplement through freelance with a Colombian drug cartel. (Medellin, baby.)

9. Panama. Canal operator, but with an ongoing freelance gig with that Colombian drug cartel. In short, I wouldn't work much. Surf my ass off at Bocas del Toro, and laundering the drug money through the management of a small hotel. (AK-47 under the counter.)

10. Easter Island. Guard the giant head statues. Someone has to wait around and see if aliens return to check their creations. That would solve the mystery. (Huh?)" 

Comments

[Kim]

You all know about the dingo story over there??

Some parts of Australia's interior are absolutely beautiful.. colours you couldn't imagine... but, yes, if you 'settle' you need to settle by the sea.