Four Eyes

I got this one at The Gym.

I was bent forward over my outstretched legs, mid-way through Pilates, which I do solo, no equipment (that contraption called "the reformer" makes me think of nuns and noogies, no thanks), just me, self-taught, three years now, learned further from the remastered DVDs of the 1970s black-and white series. Pretty hardcore, pun intended.

I heard an "oomph," and looked over to see Baby Girl plop down on her tight bottom, her hair pulled back, something tied around her head, a thick thread, maybe, to keep sweat from dripping into her eyes.

She looked up, recognized me right away, and smiled.

"Girl." She said it with two syllables. "Gur-rul."

"What're you doing?" I asked her. "Working out for three hours straight for eight days in a row, like you do? And then get sick with a cold? Again?"

"Dude." She wiggled close to me and dropped her voice. "I have to tell you something."

She spread her legs apart, as if to stretch her inner thighs, but instead explained that he had bruising on both. On the inner thighs. She didn't have rough sex recently, no. But vigorous sex, yes, with a super-fit fellow, who apparently could either pound away for an hour and a half (all I could think of was the first degree burn, and the boredom) or do it while maintaining a squat position for the same amount of time, almost. Something about on a sofa, on it, but not quite.

Okay, I thought. Sex in your twenties. Baby Girl is doing what makes sense, working it out, going for it, moving it through her system.

But then she edged closer and whispered.

"We were at this apartment. He was dog sitting. And the owners, well, I think they trained their dog. 'Cause we got into it again. And he was doing his business. Down there."

"You mean the human was going down on you." I wanted to make sure I understood her right.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then, I felt something else. Like on my butt. More licking. And then I looked up. And two sets of eyes looked up at me. But one was the dog! And the dog had those buggy-eyes, you know? The ones that stick out, that bulge out, you know?"

"Stick out?" I asked. "Was the dog sort of small?"

"A little. Maybe medium." And she approximated his size - the dog's - with her hands.

"Long hair or short hair?

"Medium?"

"Sounds like a Pekingese. Or a French Bulldog. But they have short hair."

"Yeah. I don't know. But anyway. That dog. It was licking me! I think the owners trained it. You know, to participate..."

"Oh no. The poor animal."

"I don't think so. Later that night, in bed, that dog came up on me, and you know, kind of humped me."

"No." My laugh contained a hint of pain, sympathetic anguish for the poor dumb beast.

But then Baby Girl and I looked at each other. Our eyes grew wider. Yep, two sets. And we doubled over and laughed. Laughing Pilates. A double workout for the core.

Comments

[SkaterChick]

just caught this -- I'm guessing it was a pug (www.akc.org/breeds/pug).

so this is what I miss by doing home gym?

[La Latina]

AAAAHHHH that is INSANE!!! I think I need to join your gym!!